Celebrating Others When Their Time Comes Before Yours

“Our bearing fruit is not determined by whether we accomplish, promote, marry, or have children, but is solely contingent on our being connected to Him.”

Sydney Franklin

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance… He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4, 11

In life, you may find that your “time[s] to” don’t always align with those with whom you’re in community.  If you are ever so blessed to wait on the Lord, there will likely come a time – if you are not there now or have not been there already – that the apostle Paul’s instruction to “Rejoice with those who rejoice…” in Romans 12:15 feels impossible.  I don’t have a prosperity gospel for your circumstance or attitude that will make you feel like rejoicing with others when you do not feel like doing so – But I do have two truths to offer that we must internalize as followers of Jesus, and the first is this:

If we are to bear fruit, our lives will not be marked by absence, but only by the presence of Jesus.  In the gospel of John, Jesus says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing…” (Jn 15:5, emphasis my own).  We learn here that if we want to bear fruit, we must measure our lives only by whether we remain – or abide – in Jesus and Jesus in us, not by the absence of anything or any person.  Our bearing fruit is not determined by whether we accomplish, promote, marry, or have children, but is solely contingent on our being connected to Him.  And because we cannot fathom the story God is writing through our lives from beginning to end (Ec 3:11), we cannot accurately assess our progress along His way.

The second truth is this:  Our joy is not contingent on our Earthly gain, but is the spiritual fruit of how we love others.  Back to John, Jesus continues, “[a]s the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love” (Jn 15:9-10).  He tells us what His command is in verse 12, “…Love each other as I have loved you.” And He tells us why this matters in verse 11, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”  When we keep the Lord’s command to love one another as He loved us, our joy will come from His joy and our joy will be complete.  Intrinsically – whether we feel it or not – Jesus is sufficient for us, and we come to that believe truth through our long obedience in the same direction, as the theologian Eugene Peterson contends, not because we will ourselves to feel this way.

My aim is not to minimize the depth of frustration and pain that can be associated with our unmet expectations, unfilled desires, unattained hopes, and unrealized dreams – I know that the choice to rejoice can feel unthinkable at times… heartbreaking, even.

I encourage you to ask the Lord to fill the gap between your heart and your obedience, and allow Romans 8:26-28 to encourage you: “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Emphasis my own.)

I’ll leave you with this short story about a time when I made the choice to rejoice:

I desire to be married on this side of heaven – like my grandparents for more than 60 and my parents for nearly 40 years – and I recently had the honor of walking through a wedding season with a friend who grew up in a broken home storied with infidelity and divorce.  Fearful of this cycle repeating, this friend wrestled with God to have faith for a long, healthy, God-centered marriage, so her wedding season was filled with a plethora of mixed emotions.  When I shared with her how difficult it was for me to formulate words for this message, in part, because of the pain and strained faith that I could only imagine you, dear sister, would be holding onto, she responded with this:

“[You have to know that] your [active] choice to rejoice with me built up my faith to rejoice for myself.  You pointed me back to the reason we have joy – not just to rejoice in my marriage – but to dismiss my fears [and take hold of] the magnitude of what was happening, of what God was doing [in my life].  You kept my gaze on that… [You kept my] eyes [fixed] on the One who is redeeming, and healing, and making things brand new [because of who He is].  [You took] me out of the little details… and I felt genuine support and authentic delight in this gift that God was giving me.”

When you choose to mourn with those who mourn, you become the nail-pierced hands and feet of Jesus who – in facing death – yielded His feelings to the unfathomable story that God is writing.  And when you choose to rejoice with those who rejoice, you point them back to Jesus who – hanging on the cross – made everything that happens in the wake of Eden beautiful, once again.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to pray this prayer:

Father God – My heart is for your story. And I come into agreement with the prayer that Your son prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, “not my will, but Yours be done.”  So, Lord, I ask that you align my heart with Yours; make Your desires my desires.  I understand that my life – everything I say and refrain from saying, do and abstain from doing – is meant to point people back to You and the story that You are writing.  So, I pray that you give me the strength to rejoice for what You are doing in the lives of others, even when that thing seems like the very thing that I desire for my own life and it has not yet come to pass. Please give me margin to further abide in you, and the discernment to love others well while You’re making everything beautiful in my life in its time.  In Jesus name, Amen.